Missing You, Yeah Right!
by Raych
Summary: Oneshot Lucas' thoughts after Season 4 break up. Based on a song. Now a three parter, second chapter is the confrontation Brooke and Peyton should have had where Brooke tells Peyton she won't let her take her boy.
1. Chapter 1

**I apologise for the poor updating of my fics during the past year, following a difficult time for my family my grandmother passed away on December 21st and for this reason I shall be putting Starting Over on hiatus as I'm not able to continue writing about Brooke's grief process at this time. This is also why there have been no updates to Broken or Are You Happy Now? as I have not been in the right frame of mind to write. I am beginning to think of my fics now and hope that I will begin writing again soon. Thanks to those of you who are sticking with me despite the poor updating.**

**Heard this song on the radio today and just had to write this fic. Based the beginning of season four after Brucas break up. The song is by John Wait and it's called Missing You. I may consider making this a two-part fic depending on whether you guys want more.**

_Every time I think of you  
I always catch my breath  
And I'm still standing here  
And you're miles away  
And I'm wondering why you left  
And there's a storm that's raging  
Through my frozen heart tonight_

He stared at his door long after she'd walked out of it. For a guy who prided himself on his ability with words he had failed spectacularly in finding the ones that would make her stay. He could barely bring himself to go to school the following day. He was standing at his locker when he first saw her, a part of him still believed that she would look at him and rush over just like any other day. Instead he watched breathless and frozen the expression on her face as she opened the locker he'd so carefully decorated for her. he thought maybe he imagined the sadness on her features because in an instant she was hard again, resolved even some may say and he watched dejectedly as she ripped all remnants of him from her locker. Despite the fact she was stood just a matter of feet away from him he felt he was suddenly miles apart from her. He felt like the last year and a half had been erased and he was the poor boy from the river court and she was the popular head cheerleader. Only back then he'd not loved her like he did now. Back then he'd noticed her only because he'd had a crush on her best friend.

"Hey you don't look so good. Are you fighting?" He blinked and tried to focus on the girl stood next to him. He shook his head.

"We're not fighting," Was that really his voice? He sounded so unlike himself. "She broke up with me." Peyton seemed beyond shocked and he briefly wondered if Brooke was cutting herself off from all her friends for some reason other than what he knew. His theory dashed when he saw her smile warmly at Nathan and Haley walking toward her. He could see the exact moment where she revealed to them that she had ended their relationship as both pairs of eyes whipped across to him.

"Did she say why?" He forced himself to focus once more on the blonde beside him. He wasn't sure how to answer that, she'd said a lot of things but none of them seemed to add up to a reason for him.

"She stopped missing me." Peyton looked almost relieved at his words and a bolt of hope struck him. Perhaps Peyton thought there was still hope for them, after all her reason didn't seem like much of a reason.

HH

_I hear your name, in certain circles  
And it always makes me smile  
I spend my time, thinking about you  
And it's almost driving me wild  
And there's a heart that's breaking  
Down this long distance line tonight  
_

A month and he still sits glazed over sometimes, his focus has improved but still his friends complain it sometimes feels like he's not really there with them. He spends most of his time with Peyton because right now it feels like she's the only one resolutely on his side. He tries not to make things awkward for Nathan and Haley knowing how they still love Brooke, still see her. As he tries to drag his attention back to the other three occupants of the cafeteria table he hears Brooke's name and almost unconsciously a smile tugs at his lips.

"I don't like it Nathan."

"Hales Brooke is a grown up and if she chooses to spend her time with Rachel then so be it."

"But she can't possibly be classed as a good influence. Peyton, why on earth would she leave your house to move in with that skank?" Lucas has wondered the same thing himself because after all he had thought it was the kiss on the day of the school shooting but she hadn't known about it until he'd said something.

"She's changed." It was the only answer Peyton ever gave as to what caused the split between the two best friends.

_I ain't missing you at all  
Since you've been gone, away  
I ain't missing you  
No matter, what I might say  
_

He walks the corridors and sees her, she's giggled with Rachel and the red head is the one to notice him watching them first.

"Get over it Lucas, stop the stalker like staring." In typical Rachel fashion she latches on to the hurt of others and seeks to amplify the suffering.

"I'm over it. Trust me seeing you coming into school looking like last night's leftovers does nothing for me." He can't quite believe he actually said that but for some reason he can't stand the idea that she's out there having fun and meeting guys while he's pining for her. So the only thing he can do to salvage a little pride is to make sure she doesn't know that's what he's doing. He walks away before her stunned and slightly hurt expression can have an effect on him and for the first time since their break up he begins to feel good.

_There's a message, in the wires  
And I'm sending you this signal tonight  
You don't know, how desperate I've become  
And it looks like I'm losing this fight  
In your world I have no meaning  
Though I'm trying hard to understand  
And it's my heart that's breaking  
Down this long distance line tonight_

He flops back on his bed and hurls his cell phone against the wall. He hates the way he dials her number to hear her voice knowing that she doesn't answer just because it's him. He knows it makes what he said to her about being over her null and void but he just prays that at least maybe she won't tell Rachel. From what Haley and Nathan say she's been seeing someone new. Someone Rachel approves of so Haley automatically doesn't. Peyton has been spending even more time with him and he does consider that maybe that's not helping his cause. The fact she's found someone new hurts him more than he can say. The fact that she's moved on and he no longer means a thing to her burns him.

_I ain't missing you at all  
Since you've been gone, away  
I ain't missing you  
No matter, what my friends say  
_

He sees her at the beach and it feels almost exactly like the night he told her he was the guy for her. It pisses him off just a little that he's always fighting against her to make their relationship work and yeah maybe he does spend a lot of time with Peyton and maybe that does make Brooke insecure because of last time but if he can forget Chris Keller why can't she do the same because he's honestly not the same guy that did that to her. And he finally thinks maybe he said ask her that exact question. Only when he attempts to make her see that she dismisses him and all he can say is that he was wrong and he isn't the one for her. She laughs and Rachel steps in once more to attempt to hurt and humiliate him.

"I hear you're still pining for Brookie so maybe it needs to be her telling you that you're not the guy for her."

_And there's a message that I'm sending out  
Like a telegraph to your soul  
And if I can't bridge this distance  
Stop this heartbreak overload  
_

When he sees her that day she looks so different, she looks kind of defeated and he wants to ask her who gave her that look because he wants more than anything to hurt the one who did it to her. He's stopped thinking he can be responsible for her moods and something about the very fact that she looks directly at him for the first time since she walked out his life seems to tell him more about her spirit that day than anything else. He wants to reach out to her as she walks past him, to hold her and make her see that everything is okay that he stills loves her as much as he ever did.

_I ain't missing you at all  
Since you've been gone, away  
I ain't missing you  
No matter, what my friends say  
I ain't missing you, I aint missing you  
I can lie to myself  
And there's a storm that's raging  
Through my frozen heart tonight  
I aint missing you at all  
Since you've been gone, away  
I ain't missing you,  
No matter, what my friends say  
Aint missing you  
I ain't missing you, I aint missing you  
I can lie to myself  
I ain't missing you  
I aint missing you_


	2. Chapter 2

**Episode referenced is The Lonesome Road from s2, quote 'people who are meant to be' is obviously from the show also. The song is Brandy + Monica: The Boy Is Mine. Seemed to work so well for the confrontation Brooke and Peyton should have had about Lucas. Lucas may have been an idiot but Brooke should not have just given up, and she should have told Lucas the truth.**

**The lyrics in bold are the chorus, the ones in **_italics _**are Peyton's POV and the ones in **_**bold and italic **_**are Brooke's POV. For those of you who want to know the ones in Peyton's POV are sung by Brandy and Brooke's are by Monica.**

The night at the beach changed things for her. His words played in her head over and over again in the next few days. She'd felt like she was the one who was always doing the fighting. And she was, but she was fighting herself and her insecurities. The truth was she'd walked away because the idea of telling Lucas the truth about Peyton had scared her. She'd been so scared that Lucas would dump her when he heard the truth that all the love and happiness they'd shared had been erased by her mind. She'd had such faith in his love when she finally committed to him after the summer. All they'd been through she'd let get undone by her insecurities. Rachel had told her to at least talk to Lucas about things but she'd been so sure of what Peyton's feelings meant that she didn't bother considering that Lucas might feel differently. That he did love her. She just didn't know if there was any chance she could undo her mistake, it was too late and the very fact that the blondes seemed almost inseparable made her think maybe she was right.

She saw him in the halls and for the first time in weeks she actually looked straight at him. Unconsciously she slows her step as he meets her gaze and in what feels like slow motion their eyes lock as she walks past him and she's almost tempted to fling herself at him in the hope he'll just hold her. That he'll rescue her like she once asked him to, like he promised he would. They were meant to rescue each other. Memories like that brought her close to tears because she realises she was the one who gave up on them, not him. Not until the beach when she'd told him she had no intention of fighting for him, of loving him. As she reached the door to the quad she was forced to break their gaze and she felt a physical loss at their broken connection. She pushed herself across the quad and saw the one person she needed right then.

"Hey Tutor-girl." Her voice was soft and full of the sadness she was feeling as she slipped onto the beach beside her friend

"Hey Tigger, you don't seem yourself."

"Have you ever done something that seemed so right when you did it but then afterwards, when it's too late to change anything you realise there was so much more you should have done?" Haley's hand covered hers and squeezed.

"Is this about Peyton?" Brooke froze at the mention of her former best friend and looked away not wanting to even think about the blonde, but then she was linked to her by Lucas and the mess they were all in. "Or maybe even Luke?" Her gaze swung back to Haley as the pregnant girl's soft voice said her former boyfriend's name. "For what it's worth I think he'd still want to hear whatever you have to say." Brooke nodded and looked up to find Lucas stood nearby, looking awkwardly between the table where she sat with Haley and the empty one the other side of the quad. As he looked back at them she nodded her head softly at him and he began to walk towards them.

"Hey Hales, Brooke."

"Hi Luke." Her voice was soft and tentative and she wondered just when she became so unsure of herself.

"Hey buddy, sit down." An awkward silence descended when Lucas sat and within five minutes Haley began to gather her things.

"I forgot I said I'd meet Nathan in the library this period to help with a history report." Brooke stared at Haley with daggers her eyes, sharing history class with Nathan meant she knew that Haley was lying. But what could she do about it. Haley was just trying to get her to talk to Lucas and she believed she was doing the right thing in finally forcing the pair to be around one another.

"Bye Hales." Brooke wondered if Lucas could sense the real reason Haley was darting away from the tone of his voice.

"So how have you been Lucas?" She couldn't quite read the look on his face though she suspected he was surprised that she was sticking round making small talk.

"Okay."

"How's your mom doing? I stopped by the cafe to see her the other day and she didn't look too good." There was a clear look of surprise on his face at that.

"You went to see my mom?" He sounded almost incredulous and she was a little hurt. After all Karen was the only adult in her life who'd ever actually attempted to parent her.

"I try and see her at least once a week if not more. Just to make sure she's okay."

"She never mentioned it." Both could understand Karen's reasons. Brooke had never once uttered Lucas' name of her visits and she suspected Karen was unsure as to how Lucas would react. "She's okay. I think this pregnancy is really taking it out of her so she's trying to cut back on how much she's doing."

"Well tell her that I'll help out if she needs me."

"Thanks Brooke, I will." Awkwardness descended then and she searched for a way to break the silence. But he beat her to it. "Peyton misses you." Anger flared and she knew he could sense it.

"She should have thought about that before shouldn't she?" Brooke grabbed her bag and made to march away before she felt his hand on her arm.

"If you stay I promise not to mention her name again." She paused halfway between sitting and standing and looked at him. His half hopeful look brought a smile to her lips and she felt hope stir within herself that maybe all was not lost. She sank back down onto the bench.

"I'm sorry, it's not your fault that things are not good between us." She wanted to add that in a weird way it was because he'd managed to get both of them to love him. That she'd asked him to stay away from her former friend and yet he hadn't. That he'd not seen fit to inform her of the stolen library kiss until he thought Peyton had told her. But she said none of that because she wasn't ready, because it still felt like it shouldn't matter anymore.

"I wish you could tell me why you won't talk to her." She felt another flash of anger that Peyton was painting her as the one causing the problems but pushed it aside because for the first time in a long time Lucas was here with her and wanted to talk to her like they used to.

"You said no more Peyton talk." He nodded and she felt bad because he was only really responding to what she herself had said.

"I hope you haven't been avoiding being with Nate and Hales because it would be awkward with me around." She shook her head because no honestly she was avoiding them because they may well see the truth hanging around her. Rachel knew and Brooke knew she wouldn't say a word to a sole a weird bond had developed since the day in that dressing room. But Haley or Nathan would be sure to talk to Lucas and she hadn't wanted that. "Haley has been worried about you." She smiled because of course Haley would worry.

"I'm sorry I made her worry. It was just easier to be outside of the group with Rachel after everything that happened. Besides I think we needed each other. She's more like me than anyone else really. We understand each other. I think maybe if it wasn't for you, and Haley and Nathan then I'd be exactly how she is right now. She's never had any sort of family whereas at least I've had you all." She knew that group had included Peyton long before Lucas or Haley and yet after everything she knew that one who'd changed her the most, had the most profound effect on her was Lucas, with Haley a close second. The difference being that Peyton used her intimate knowledge of Brooke against her while Lucas and Haley just loved her. Nathan too, because after all hadn't everyone expected that Nathan Scott and Brooke Davis would end up together one day. Ever since they'd been little and found themselves in the same group of people courtesy of their parents.

"You'll always have me Brooke." She wanted to ask if he meant that, really meant it. In the way she wanted him to mean it, but the words just wouldn't come. So instead she said:

"Thanks Broody." The gleam in his eye at her nickname for him returning she couldn't have imagined and again her hope burned within her that all was not lost.

* * *

"Hey Cinderella." Brooke looked up from sweeping the floor to find Lucas stood in the doorway to the cafe. True to her word she'd begun helping out at the cafe a few nights a week. Always sending Karen home to rest and closing up herself. It had been three weeks that she'd been doing so and Lucas had developed a habit of dropping by near closing and making sure she was okay. His words conjured up an image of them last year in an almost exact replica situation. She'd grown since then, at least now she understood that you didn't mop a floor with a sponge. She couldn't stop her laugh as she remembered that day. "What's so funny?"

"Do you remember the last time you walked into a room and said 'Hey Cinderella' to me?" She watched as the penny dropped and Lucas chuckled along with her.

"In the spirit of that day, what's left to do? I'll do half."

"Really?"

"Anything for you Brooke, I told you that then." The way he looked at her then almost knocked her senseless. Instead she returned to sweeping with a smile playing across her lips. But there was still something she needed to know before putting herself out there and it was bringing up the unmentionable between them.

"So have you seen much of Peyton lately?" She heard the guarded tone to his voice when he answered.

"Yeah we've hung out just like always." She nodded and left the semi-awkward silence hanging over them for a while before summing up the courage to pose her next question.

"Do you think that it'd ever be more than just 'hanging out'? I mean you spend an awful lot of time together."

"No more than Haley and I do. In fact before Nathan Haley and I spent much more time together than I spend with Peyton. Besides up until recently you wouldn't even speak to me so I needed all the friends I could get." His tone was a mix of anger and hurt and she cursed herself for getting this wrong.

"I'm sorry Luke, about everything. I never meant to hurt you it's just..." she trailed off knowing there was no real way of explaining without telling him what Peyton had told her. But he wasn't letting her off that easily and she found herself looking up into his eyes as he gripped her upper arms forcing her to stop her task.

"Just what Brooke? Because you did hurt me, and you never really told me why. I keep going round in circles and nothing Haley, Nathan or Peyton say can shed any light on what really went wrong between us."

"You still think about us?" Her words were so soft and when she said them he softened.

"You know I do Brooke, you left me remember. I never stopped caring, that was you." She wants to tell him that she loves him too but she's still scared so instead she says nothing. But inside she feels like maybe she was always wrong because surely if he loved Peyton and she'd been out the picture for months now then he and Peyton would have happened but it seemed like he still thought too much of her to do that. And the other thing she realised was that in order to be with the boy she loved she would have to stop protecting the girl she loved. And that seemed easier than stopping loving Lucas because in truth the girl she loved seemed more than happy to screw her over.

"What if you're wrong?"

"About what?"

"How much I care?" He dropped her from his grip then and turned away from her pushing a hand through his hair. Then he turned back to her.

"What are you doing Brooke? I saw a life with you and for no real reason you ripped that away from me, ignored me for weeks except for when your new BFF aimed insults and hurtful remarks my way and now you're telling me what exactly? That you still love me? That you care enough to be friends?"

"I had reasons Lucas." He shook his head.

"I'm not sure I can do this Brooke. I loved you so much, love you so much but it feels like a game you're playing."

"I needed you to not go near her and you couldn't even last a day." She watched as his confusion turned to anger.

"This is about Peyton? When you broke up with me you swore it wasn't about her, but it is. I don't know what your fight is about and I'm not sure I care but you can't dictate who I should be friends with."

"I didn't want to tell you who you should be friends with I just wanted you to show me that I was more important to you than she was."

"I loved you of course you were more important, but you never let me in."

"I did let you in." She said sadly knowing that she was still holding back.

"Not enough Brooke."

"Would knowing change anything?"

"It could change everything Brooke."

* * *

**You need to give it up  
Had about enough  
It's not hard to see  
The boy is mine  
I'm sorry that you  
seem to be confused  
He belongs to me  
The boy is mine**

Brooke knocked on the door. She briefly thought she probably could count the times she'd actually knocked on the door to this house on her hand. She was used to just opening the door and walking straight in. Peyton opened it and Brooke correctly guessed that the blonde wasn't too surprised to see her there.

_Think its time we got this straight  
Sit and talk face to face  
There is no way you could mistake  
Him for your man are you insane_

"You better come in." Brooke walked into the house but didn't bother going further than the hall. "I know why you're here Brooke, but it's too late. All this time you're spending with him, helping out at the cafe for 'Karen's sake' you're not fooling anyone. You want him back. But you're too late, if you ever had a chance with him then you never should have walked away. Not that it really matters, I love him and we have a connection that you can't begin to understand."

_**But see I know that you may be  
Just a bit jealous of me  
But you're blind if you can't see  
That his love is all in me**_

"You're wrong Peyton, so completely wrong. You only ever want Lucas when he's with me. You don't love him, you just can't stand the idea that he might not want you. So you come chasing after him. You're just jealous of me because the boy you don't want is giving me the attention he gave you."

_See I tried to hesitate  
I didn't want to say what he told me  
He said without me he couldn't make it  
Through the day, Ain't that a shame_

"If that's what you need to believe Brooke. But the truth is he raced into a school with a gunman inside to save me, he needs me. He loves me Brooke. He said as much himself, that he'd be lost without me."

_**But maybe you misunderstood  
Cause I can't see how he could  
Wanna change something that's so good  
All my love was all it took**_

"Good for you Peyton, but the fact is I walked away and he's still not with you. He's still having moments with me wanting to understand what happened because he thinks I stopped loving him, when he never stopped loving me." Peyton scoffed at Brooke's words and Brooke briefly wondered where she got this conviction from. For months she'd been tormented by the idea of Peyton and Lucas and had been terrified of the boy she loved telling her he loved her best friend, so terrified that she'd just walked away. But that didn't change a thing she was still hurting and the only way of moving forward was to know. And she did know, she knew that all the things they'd said to each other were real. That when they talked of a future together at Rachel's cabin he meant what he said.

**You need to give it up  
Had about enough (Enough)  
Its not hard to see  
The boy is mine (Boy is mine)  
I'm sorry that you (Sorry that you)  
Seem to be confused (Confused)  
He belongs to me  
The boy is mine**

"Whatever Brooke. He might have started senior year with you but he'll finish it with me. Haven't you ever heard the saying true love conquers all?" Peyton replied with a smirk that made Brooke want to smash her face in._  
_  
_**Must you do the things you do  
You keep on acting like a fool  
You need to know it's me not you  
And if you didn't know it's cause it's true**_

"I think you'll find a better comment is 'people who are meant to be always find their way in the end'. And that's me and Luke, your ridiculous attempt to pass yourself off as a decent human being is pathetic. You're selfish and manipulative and you never told me to just be honest. You told me because you knew it would play on every insecurity I had and clear the path for you."

_I think that you should realize  
And try to understand why  
He is a part of my life  
I know it's killing you inside_

"If you meant that much to him Brooke then why when you asked him to stay away from me could he not manage it even for one day? It might hurt you but the truth is he can't break away from me because he loves me."

_**You can say what you wanna say  
What we have you can't take  
From the truth you can't escape  
I can tell the real from the fake**_

"Does he really? He hasn't the first clue of what you're really like, would he 'love' you then?"

_When will you get the picture  
Your the past I'm the future  
Get away it's my time to shine  
If you didn't know the boy is mine_

"You're over Brooke, almost forgotten. Sooner or later he's going to wake up and realise you're the starting act and I'm the main feature. We can have a future together, he wouldn't want a future with the high school whore." Brooke's hand stung from her connecting with Peyton's face.

"We'll see Peyton because make no mistake this is war now, and you will lose."

* * *

She waited for her soft knock on the door to Luke's bedroom to elicit his response. His face was stony when he opened the door and she was unprepared for the hostility from him.

"You hit Peyton." She cursed herself for not realising the first thing Peyton would do was tell Lucas, though she doubted Peyton would have told him everything.

"It's not that simple." She began with Lucas cutting her off.

"It never is with you Brooke."

"Luke the reason I'm here is because I want to do something I should have done months ago but was too scared of your response to do."

"And what's that?"

"Talk to you, explain why Peyton and I are fighting, how that affected us and why I needed you to stay away from her. To tell you that even though I walked away I didn't do it because I stopped loving you or stopped wanting that future we talked about at the cabin. I want to tell you everything."


	3. Chapter 3

**As always quote in there from the show and also the quote about forgiveness is Bree Despain.**

**On a side note despite the OTT cheesy of the latest episode I'm really loving Brulian, it's nice to actually see Brooke being allowed to be happy for once.**

He hadn't really known what to think when almost overnight Brooke had been making an effort to be friendly towards him. He'd spent many weeks trying to pretend that he was over her, when in truth of course he wasn't. He wondered if anyone could get closure on a relationship that ended without reason. Her reluctance to discuss Peyton was hard for him because for the time they'd been estranged Peyton and he had been together more than ever. Peyton didn't know what Brooke's problem was and Lucas assumed her attitude towards them both was for the same reason. But he couldn't understand why he was apparently forgiven by the brunette while the blonde girl who'd been called the brunette's sister was not.

He'd been surprised that despite their break up and her avoidance of him that she still checked in with his mother. It was possibly that revelation that showed she was definitely still the girl he'd fallen for. As the weeks had gone past and they'd spent a little more time together he got the feeling that perhaps she was second guessing her decision to end their relationship, and he liked that idea. He wanted her to reconsider because he didn't see what their problem had been. Sure he'd been a little distant, but that was just because of what happened to Keith, he'd just needed time. It hadn't changed what he felt for Brooke. But while part of him was overjoyed to think she was beginning to see she'd made a mistake it frustrated him to no end that she was still hiding something from him. And that frustration boiled over into anger when Peyton had called him to say Brooke had come round and verbally attacked her for no apparent reason and she'd slapped her. He was almost at the point where he no longer cared for Brooke's reasons because her behaviour was so out of line. He was pretty surprised that as he was finishing on the phone to Peyton she was knocking on his door.

"You hit Peyton." He was pissed at her and wasn't particularly afraid to show it. The past few weeks he'd been tip toeing round her, afraid that a wrong move would send her running again. But he was beginning to see that even if he loved her he couldn't spend his life like that.

"It's not that simple." She began but he cut her off.

"It never is with you Brooke." Because it wasn't, there was always some mystical reason for what she did but if she was never willing to share her reason it made Lucas doubt that she had a valid one.

"Luke the reason I'm here is because I want to do something I should have done months ago but was too scared of your response to do." He was intrigued but he didn't want to let her see that, he wanted to stay mad with her because at this point he thought being mad at her was the only way he'd ever get over her.

"And what's that?"

"Talk to you, explain why Peyton and I are fighting, how that affected us and why I needed you to stay away from her. To tell you that even though I walked away I didn't do it because I stopped loving you or stopped wanting that future we talked about at the cabin. I want to tell you everything." He frowned and wondered what had brought this sudden change in her but let her in without a word. He sat on the edge of his bed and watched her pace. He wasn't about to help her out by asking anything he was planning on letting her start.

She had been sure of what she was doing before she arrived to find him so hostile towards her. But another part of her felt like accepting his hostility and bottling it was letting Peyton win, but it was more than a fight between her and Peyton and her stubbornness in not losing out. She loved Lucas and the time they'd spent apart had taught her better than anything that she just couldn't face being without him. Sure to the casual observer they had nothing in common, and sometimes they argued more than they were just happy but that was what made them work. Where in other couples their differences and fights destroyed them to her it seemed like they were able to celebrate their differences and their fights were just their differences showing and it enlightened each of them to be made to view things differently. They challenged each other and that was something she realised was important in order for things to be anything but boring. She didn't want to settle for a life without him, and the best she could do was try. Ultimately she knew that the regret of not trying would live longer than the pain of what could go wrong might. She needed to know for her own peace of mind that she'd given this her all.

"Luke I get that when you took off after – what happened with Keith that you did it because you needed time together, away from here. But the fact you didn't call, not once made me wonder if things had changed between us. It made me question how you felt. Then..." Lucas watched as she paused. Nothing she'd said was a surprise to him, she'd said it before when she'd ended things with him. But he'd always felt there was more to it and he did crave to know. To him she should have come to him about that, and it certainly didn't explain everything else. She stopped the pacing she had been doing while she spoke and looked directly at him. "You won't find this easy to hear, and I wonder if you'll even believe me because well, I know you value Peyton." She'd sworn at the time that it wasn't about Peyton it was about them but he'd had his doubts. "After the wedding when Nathan was in the hospital I did come to see them, but when I got there the first thing I saw was you and Peyton, hugging each other. I asked you to stay away from her and not even a day passed and you were talking to her. I come here to see you to maybe see if I'm wrong and she's here. It all added up to my fears being real. The fear that you wanted her and not me." He shook his head.

"No matter what I do you'll never get past what happened before will you?" She shook her head vehemently at him.

"It wasn't about the last time. I had gotten past it I swear. The night of Naley's rehearsal dinner, the reason Peyton and I fell out, the reason I needed you to stay away from her, the reason the hospital and her being here mattered to me, the reason you not calling became such an issue was that...that night she told me that...that she was in love with you." She was terrified now the moment had come that because she'd waited so long in telling him that he wouldn't believe her. That the time he'd spent with Peyton would mean he would think her lying just to destroy the blondes' friendship.

He sat stunned by her words. At first his brain couldn't even process what she'd told him. He knew her well enough to know she wasn't lying, that she wasn't simply trying to cause problems. He watched her closely, as closely as she watched him waiting for his reaction. He found himself running through it all in his head. How many times had he asked Peyton why Brooke and she were estranged, how many times had he implored her to know why Brooke had broken up with him, for a clue? Each time Peyton insisted she was as confused as he was. But now he knows she knew exactly what motivated Brooke to do what she did. She understood far better than she said. If Peyton meant what she'd told Brooke then why tell her at all. What purpose would telling Brooke have for Peyton, surely Peyton would know better than anyone that those words would play on Brooke's insecurities.

"Why didn't you tell me what she'd said, so I could understand how important it was to you that I stayed away from her? Or so that I knew that it was more than a silly girls' fight. So I could reassure you that whatever her feelings were for me it didn't matter because I loved you?"

"At first I didn't know what to do, I didn't think far ahead I just wanted to get through the wedding. But when you spoke to her even though I asked you not to I thought that had to mean something. Then you thought it was the kiss, which I didn't know about. And the fact it happened made me wonder if that meant something too. Seeing you together at the hospital was...if it had been the week before I'd have hugged you both too, all together and it wouldn't have entered my mind that it meant something. I finally decided I had to say something and when I got here you were both just laughing and joking and I couldn't say a word. Because it wasn't about Peyton, it was us. I was scared that maybe buried so deep neither of us had noticed before you did have feelings for her too."

"You should have told me Brooke, as soon as it happened you should have told me." She looked so small then. He was angry, at Brooke for keeping this from him for so long, at Peyton for lying to him. He was disappointed in Brooke too, disappointed that she had so little faith in him. He was disappointed in himself as well because he should have done more. With hindsight everything becomes clear and in hindsight he could see how everything would have looked to Brooke. Within hours of her asking him to stay away from Peyton he was talking to her, then later hugging her and hanging out with her. He'd had so little respect for Brooke that he'd totally disregarded what she'd said thinking that he knew better. But the real problem for him was that he couldn't see that even had he known he would have been able to cut Peyton from his life. Less than two years ago he and Peyton had barely known one another, despite his long standing crush. And now she was one of his best friends and the idea of not being able to talk to her was not one he could handle. And yet he didn't know how to handle her betrayal not just of him but of Brooke. Because the truth was clear now and Peyton regardless of her intention would have known that the truth of her feelings would drive a wedge between him and Brooke simply because of their betrayal of her previously. And in addition to that she had had months to tell him the truth, the countless times he'd agonised over what had happened and not once had Peyton volunteered the information of her part in it all.

"I'm sorry." She looked so desolate that he wanted to hold her, to forgive her. But he just wasn't ready for that.

"Why did you go there today?" She looked him straight in the eye then and with unabashed honesty she replied.

"I needed to tell her that I was going to fight for you." Knowing Brooke was willing to fight for him would have just a week previously made him beyond ecstatic but once more the twisted love triangle that seemed unable to disappear between them all was destroying everything.

"I don't know what to do with that right now Brooke." She nodded her understanding and turned to leave, before she closed the door behind her she turned back.

"I know I'm a little late but you really are the guy for me Lucas, I always knew it. There was a doubt in my mind about that. I don't get scared that you'll go to Peyton because of what happened before. It's not about you, nothing you do makes me scared not really. Underneath it all the reason I'm scared is because I think I'm not enough. I'm not smart enough, or pretty enough or good enough. You're the guy for me Lucas. I just want to be the girl for you." He knew she didn't say it because she wanted his pity. He understood that her insecurities dated back to a time long before he cheated on her. And he admired that she just walked away and left him then because she knows him well enough to know that he needs his own space to figure it out even though he knows it's against everything in her to leave it so unfinished.

* * *

There was really only one place he could imagine going after his conversation with Brooke, one place he could be. He stood there for a minute just watching her move about the room unaware of his presence. She jumped a little as she turned and saw him in the doorway.

"Hey, I didn't think I'd see you today. Not that I'm not glad of course." She moved to the storage unit against the wall and began flicking through the items it housed. "I'm actually glad you're here. I found this song on one of the albums Ellie gave me and I think you'll love it." She smiled triumphantly as she pulled out the record she'd searched for and it was only then she seemed to stop enough to notice that something was fundamentally different between them. "Whatever she's said I can explain it." He slowly shook his head.

"I don't think you can, but I need to hear you try." He watches her face fall and she shifts from side to side chewing her lip and he wants to shout at her to just say something. To justify her actions.

"Luke, I wished for Jake. I wanted Jake. I was in Savannah with him and I was ready to stay. But he told me that you and I weren't done and I needed to come back. He was right. I love you Lucas. I'm in love with you."

"And you told Brooke."

"I thought if I told you then it would be like before, not exactly but that if she knew first and knew that I had no intention of acting on those feelings that it would be okay."

"How was it ever going to be okay? Her best friend told her she was in love with boyfriend, even without our history how was that going to be okay?"

"I just wanted to be honest." He laughed then, a hollow cynical sound.

"Where was that honesty all the times I asked you why you weren't speaking, whether you knew any reason for why Brooke broke up with me? What happened to your honesty?" For the first time in all the time he'd known her Peyton's tears no longer upset him. He didn't feel any desire to save her from what hurt her.

"Honesty didn't work out so well, I thought maybe if I just said nothing that Brooke would see that I meant what I said. That I wasn't going to act on any of those feelings. That eventually she'd forgive me."

"Well that's great Peyton but what about me, did my feelings not count? You watched me torture myself trying to figure out exactly what I'd done to screw it all up when all the time you knew exactly what I'd done. I'd ignored her and come to you, all because Brooke's strong and can survive without you. But I felt sorry you, Brooke was gone and you can never cope on your own. You needed me more than she did. But I was wrong, she needed me more than she'd ever tell me. That's the difference between the two of you. Brooke hides her vulnerability behind a tough exterior and would never admit to needing me, but you wear your victim status like it's something to be proud of. And me with my need to save someone am always so blind, never taking enough time to look beyond the surface and see that the girl I love needs me just as much as you."

"Lucas that's not fair."

"Maybe not but I won't rescue you next time Peyton. I can't have you both in my life that's pretty clear now. I can't be with Brooke and be your friend. And right now even if Brooke and I have no future I just can't be around you because you were meant to be my friend and you've just lied to me for months. I don't want a friend like that."

* * *

He knocked on the door to a house he'd never been to before but one he would come to visit a lot in the coming months. The door was opened by a redhead who seemed reluctant to let him over the threshold.

"I'll hunt you down if you hurt her." With those words ringing in his ears he followed Rachel's gesture to where Brooke was. He took the stairs two at a time eager to see her and yet slowed on the landing outside the door not really knowing if what he had to say was what she really wanted to hear. He knocked on the bedroom door and waited until she called out come in. He smiled at the sight of her sat in the middle of a bed surrounded by books.

"I figured homework was a good a way as any to kill time." She joked as she made to clear a space for him. He told her not to and perched on the other bed instead.

"I've been to see Peyton." She nodded.

"I figured you would."

"It'll be a while before I can forgive her but I think one day I probably will, I'm sorry about that." She shook her head and smiled at him.

"Don't be sorry Lucas. Do I hate what she's done, of course I do. But it doesn't change what we've been through. And it won't be today or tomorrow, or even next week maybe not even next month. But I'll still be there to do her hair for prom, and share a limo with her because that was what we always planned. I'm sure you of all people know the quote 'we don't forgive people because they deserve it, we forgive them because they need it'. Peyton doesn't deserve to be forgiven for what she did. Yes she couldn't falling in love but how she handled that love was completely in her control. But she needs me, and somewhere down the line when I've stopped being angry and she's stopped being jealous I'll need her back. We won't forget what happened, it'll always be there like a faded scar but she's still the closest to family I ever really had." He grinned at her and shook his head mildly amused.

"So basically we're both saying that we're exiling her temporarily as punishment with the full intention of bringing her back into the fold eventually." She smiled at him and nodded.

"Are things as clear cut for us?"

"I don't know Brooke. It's easy to put all the blame on Peyton but the truth is we made mistakes too. A lot's happened and I don't if we can go back. But I came here to ask you on a date." Her sad expression turned into an amused smile.

"A date?"

"A date, a real date. I'm not making promises but I figure it's a start."

"A date sounds good. And take all the time you need figuring things out Luke, like I once told you – people who are meant to be together always find their way in the end."

**I know both are saying they'll forgive Peyton I did wonder about putting that in but ultimately decided that it's just the people they both are that they'd forgive her eventually. Thanks to those who have read and reviewed.**


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